unpublished blog post / love letter 2/25/08

i love you i love you i love you

i hate you 

i hate you

i love you 

when i forget about me

you have six foot needles protruding from your body baby

and i am holding you close

but there is beauty in pain

there is beauty in pain

and beauty is what i want

the overlap of self mutilation 

and masturbation

is where i dance.

i bleed and i cum

i bleed i bleed

and i cum

darling 

i miss you

it hurts

darling i love your absence

it makes me feel alive

darling i hate your presence

it reminds me that youre not fucking me

its so much 

easier 

to love the dead

its so so much easier to 

love the dead

its so much easier

to paint the dead

my darling my darling

i cant decide if i should let 

you 

die

because

its so much

easier. 

than

trying

to revive you.

energy and desire

energy and desire

energy and desire

is what

i need

to make

you breathe,

you don't want to breathe

you beg for the dullness of death

i want to love the dead

but i want

you to 

live

i want you to live

i want you to live

i want you to breathe

i want you to breathe

darling

darling

darlinggggg

i want you to breathe

into

me 

from me

lets share breath